Sweet Revenge

By: Venused

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AN: Thanks for reading :) This is an ancient oneshot of mine, that I’ve revamped to hopefully be a little more readable now, with a little help from Jana.

As always any comments are welcome :) I love reading anything that anyone has to say about my writing, whether it’s good or bad. It’s nice to get feedback.

xx

Monica smiled, humming to herself, as she cleaned the apartment she shared with Chandler. She was in an unusually tense mood and cleaning always helped ease her anxiety. Though she was feeling nervous, it wasn’t a bad nervous, she decided. It was more of a surprised nervousness.

Her nerves were the result of a routine trip to the doctor’s office the previous day. She hadn’t been expecting anything to come of it, but she’d received a phone message when she returned home from work that afternoon informing her that she was pregnant.

Even though this news was totally unexpected, she couldn’t have been more delighted. She was sure her husband would be, too. Well… after he took a few deep breaths and forced himself to calm down, anyway. She knew Chandler would need time to adjust to the thought of a child and she was more than willing to give him all the time he needed… okay, well, maybe not all the time he needed, because then she might be waiting a few years and she wasn’t exactly renowned for her patience. Besides… if he wasn’t completely happy, Monica had ways of changing that. If nothing else, she was a very persuasive person.

She knew deep down her husband wanted a child to make up for the mistakes his parents had made in raising him. She was almost certain that the reason he was so terrified of committing to a baby, was that he was afraid he would make the same mistakes his parents had, and their child would hate him as a result. Although he often put himself down as far as his competence with children went, Monica knew that he was going to make a wonderful father. He was sweet and loving, and despite his clumsiness, he the most gentle man she knew; he just the type of man she could imagine being a perfect ‘Daddy.’

Thinking about Chandler’s possible adverse reactions to her announcement was only serving to make her more nervous than she was already. Without consciously realizing it, she started to scrub the counter she was cleaning more harshly, as thoughts of her husband and her pregnancy continued to drift through her mind.

She was quickly snapped back to reality when the front door opened with the sound of a key in the lock. Chandler strolled in, still dressed in his work clothes, apparently in a very good mood. He was whistling and carrying a small stack of mail. As he casually thumbed through the envelopes and flyers, he muttered, under his breath, a response to each, “Bill, bill, junk, letter from Mom, might as well be junk then...”

Monica swiftly crossed the distance separating them and loosely draped her arms around his waist, pulling him into a warm embrace, quickly forgetting her earlier cleaning (a rare occurrence for her) in her need to feel close to him.

“Mmm… I’m so glad you’re home, sweetie,” she murmured against his chest, as she reveled in his nearness and the mixed scents of his shampoo and soap.

“Hey, babe,” he greeted, with a grin. “You’re eager today! Couldn’t wait for your loving husband to arrive home, huh?” he wondered, in response to her running up to greet him the moment he was through the door.

“I really couldn’t,” she agreed, adding, ”I missed you.” Chandler simply grinned in response, echoing the sentiment as he kissed her neck softly. Both were glad they still felt this way about the other, more than a year into their marriage.

“Chandler…” she started to tell him, trailing off. She silently fought with herself in her head about whether she should surprise him now or wait until later when she was better prepared. She wanted to tell him so badly. She could almost literally feel the impending news eating away at her, she so badly wanted to share it with him. Fighting against her instincts, she hastily decided against telling him and scrambled to think of a suitable finish to her sentence.

“I love you,” she finished in a soft voice. Chandler set the mail down on the nearby counter so he could wrap his arms properly around her. As he did so he pulled her further into his embrace and whispered back teasingly, “I love you more than you love me.”

He quickly pulled her into a slow, but passionate kiss, his hands moving to cradle her face as he did so. It took a moment for Monica’s competitive instincts to kick in. When they did, she hastily pushed him away and was unable to keep the competitiveness out of her voice as she returned excitedly, “No, I love you more than you love me!”

Before he could say anything in response she quickly pulled him back towards her by the lapels of his suit jacket, drawing him into another kiss. She smirked inwardly, knowing she would win the little game she had been playing with him. He would lose himself in her, like he always did and forget all about what they had been talking about.

Her little ploy seemed to be working just as planned.

Chandler returned her kiss eagerly, his hands roaming her back and his fingers curling themselves around her long hair, playfully. As he returned her kiss with increasing passion, Monica grew more certain that he had entirely forgotten what they had been ‘arguing’ about.

The second the smug thought crossed her brain, Chandler abruptly pulled away and replied, with a glint in his eye, “No way! I love you more than you love me!”

Monica gasped in shock, an indignant look plastered on her face. The faker! Surely that had to be cheating in the ‘I Love You More Than You Love Me’ rulebook? Monica thought, completely overlooking the fact there was no rulebook, except in her head. Chandler was her husband! He should know all her rules, anyway! She would make sure to mentally add that rule later.

Before she could think any further, her thoughts were interrupted by Chandler, as he gently scooped her up into his arms, pulling her flush against him. Her arms instinctively went around his neck and she nuzzled against him contentedly, completely forgetting her earlier thoughts as she allowed him to kiss her gently as he walked them towards their bedroom.

“Mon,” he questioned once having set her down softly on the bed, “If we… y’know…” he trailed off, his cheeks flaming a bright red, before continuing in a stronger voice, a moment later, “will it hurt the baby?” He looked into her eyes with an affectionate smile.

“What? How did…? Who did…? What’d you say?” she asked, shaking her head to clear away her shocked ramblings. She stared deeper into his eyes, as if hoping to read the answer in them. She hadn’t told anyone yet! Not even Rachel! She knew if she told Rachel, her big-mouthed former roommate would blab the secret faster than Joey could down a serving of lasagna. She wanted to be the one to tell Chandler. She wasn’t going to risk one of her nosy, interfering friends doing it before she could! Besides, she secretly thought it would be more romantic to let her husband be the first to know they had created a baby together.

“I said: will it hurt the ba-,” he started to repeat himself, but was interrupted by a still shocked Monica.

“No, no! I heard what you said! What I don’t understand is how you know! I haven’t told anyone! Not even Rachel So, how the hell do you know?” she asked, with a huff. Ugh, stupid Rachel! It figured she’d find a way to gossip without even being given the facts to gossip with! Next time she saw her, Rachel was going to pay for ruining her romantic visions!

“Well… your doctor called this morning, just after you had left for work, actually. He said he wanted to talk to you directly, even after I explained I was your husband and could pass on the message! When he wouldn’t say, well, I got really worried about you and started asking a bunch of questions and demanding answers. I think I scared the guy into telling me,” he chuckled. “I was completely shocked when he told me you were pregnant, though,” he added seriously, “Wasn’t expecting that at all! I had set myself up thinking that you had cancer or something horrible like that! After thinking your wife, who you love more than anything is going to die, a baby is a relief!”

“Were you happy when he told you the news,” Monica asked shyly, twirling his tie around her finger, too nervous of his response to look him in the eye.

Chandler pulled her chin up, so her eyes met his, and she could read his sincerity in them, as he answered her question, “Of course! I’ve never been happier in my life! Except maybe that night in London,” he grinned at the memories, “Or you accepting my proposal was good, also. Oh, oh and of course our wedding.”

Monica grinned back at him as she reminisced about all the events that he had mentioned. They were the best moments of her life, as well, and all of them were shared with him. “Those were some pretty great nights,” she agreed, “But are you sure you aren’t freaking out about this somewhere in there?” Monica asked, tapping his forehead and suspiciously eyeing him.

“Nope,” he said proudly, as he took a seat on the bed next to her, cuddling up against her side, his fingers reaching around her to playfully trace abstract patterns across the back of her cleaning t-shirt, “I am totally one hundred percent calm and collected. That’s right, me! I’m going to be here for you throughout the entire pregnancy, no Chandlerisms,” he promised confidently.

“Well, I don’t know if I’d like that,” Monica added slyly. “I kinda like some of your Chandlerisms,” she added, playing with his fingers, “You wouldn’t be Chandler without them.”

He smiled his thanks in return, kissing her softly on the nose, before moving his lips to meet hers. Monica kissed him back lightly, breaking it moment later.

Her face took on a serious note, “I have to hand it to you, sweetie, you are doing so much better with this than I expected! And you know what else?” Monica asked her voice chockfull of sugary sweetness, as she smiled mischievously, “It makes me love you even more than you love me!” She grinned madly at him in revenge.

Without giving him more than a few second to stare at her numbly, she crawled the short distance into his lap, straddling him, before kissing him fervently as if to prove just how much more she loved him. Too enraptured with her and her touch, he could do nothing but return her affections. He snuggled her tighter against him, as he allowed himself to become lost in the warmth of her body pressing firmly against his.

xx

Ross and Rachel were casually walking hand in hand through Central Park, taking in the scenery and enjoying the calm, comfortable silence. Well… Rachel was calm anyway. Ross was nearly trembling in his extreme nervousness. Tonight he was planning on asking Rachel to marry him. He knew they had been through their ups and downs over the years, but he was certain they were meant for one another. In the two and a half years since they had gotten back together, he’d never felt closer or more connected to anyone in his life.

He repeatedly fingered the velvet of the navy-coloured box in his pocket, silently rehearsing the speech he had spent hours preparing. It had to be just perfect. He wanted to fulfill Rachel’s dream proposal. Nothing less would do.

It was nearly six o’clock and the sun was setting as they came close to the landmark Ross was planning to propose in front of: the Central Park fountain. It was the spot where he and Rachel had shared their first kiss as a reunited couple. Well technically their second kiss; Monica had unceremoniously stumbled upon them kissing in the hallway the night of her engagement, but they didn’t really count that because they hadn’t yet become an official couple again. Besides, proposing in front of a fountain at sunset was much more romantic than proposing in the hallway outside his sister’s apartment.

Ross mentally prepared, readying himself to make the biggest commitment of his life. Well one of the biggest commitments of his life. He had already made three biggest commitments of his life. He really wanted this marriage to be the one to last. His forth marriage would be his final, one way or another, he vowed.

“Okay, I can do this!” Ross muttered to himself, as they approached the fountain and spot where he had planned on proposing to Rachel.

Were they even ready for this? What if she said no? He started to panic. How do you know she’s the right one? He wondered silently. There was no way he would screw up his fourth marriage! But, if Chandler could do it, how hard could it be? Chandler had been twenty times more scared of commitment than Ross had ever been, and now he was happily married and had been for more than a year!

‘I can do this! I’m a pro! I’ve proposed twice before!’ Ross encouraged himself, in his head. Still not completely sure of himself, but more confident than before, he muttered under his breath, “Now or never.”

And now most definitely seemed better than never. He needed Rachel in his life.

”Uh…Rach?” Ross asked in the most calm and collected voice he could muster.

“Why don’t we go sit on the fountain? It holds so many awesome memories!” he finished lamely, remembering their first kiss. Ross was nearly ready to kick himself! Couldn’t he have thought of a better excuse to get near the fountain than that! He sounded like such a huge idiot!

When Rachel nodded slightly in agreement, Ross felt his self-loathing subside a little. At least Rachel didn’t think he was too huge of a loser yet!

Ross took Rachel’s hand and led her over to sit on the cold stone ledge of the fountain.

“Rach…” he began, “I love you so much, and I have something really important to tell you, so please listen?” he pleaded, holding tightly on to her hand as he spoke. Rachel squeezed his hand to reassure him and encourage him to continue. Guessing what he was about to do, she smiled up at him with glistening eyes.

“I love you more than I have ever loved anyone. Every day I feel how close we are and each day I’m astounded as we grow closer still. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life. I know whenever I look into your eyes that I’ve found my forever. I miss you when you aren’t near me. I never want you to leave my side, and I never want to leave yours, either. So, Rachel Green, will you marry me?” Ross finished fighting to keep tears from rolling down his cheeks as he pulled out the ring box and popped it open for Rachel to see the diamond he’d chosen for her.

“Oh, Rooss!” Rachel sobbed, flinging her arms around him, “You know the answer to that! Yes! Yes! More yes!” She scooted closer to him, so she was able to kiss him. He pulled away momentarily to slip the diamond engagement ring on her finger.

“Honey, I really, really hate to stop this but we need to get home! We have to tell everyone!” Rachel explained, pulling away from Ross. In that moment, her need to gossip outweighed her need to revel in her engagement. The way in which she mentally created quick and efficient plans to spread the news would have made even Monica proud. Telling everyone about her upcoming wedding would be the story of the year among the friends!

xx

“You know what we should do?” Rachel asked when they reached their apartment, “We should surprise everyone with our engagement! We can tell them to meet us at that new Spanish place down the road! I heard from a friend it’s a really gorgeous restaurant worth checking out. We can all get drinks! It’ll be a fun night out! What do you think?” Rachel wondered excitedly.

“Sounds great!” Ross consented, “I’ll call my sister and Chandler and you get a hold of Joe and Pheebs!”

“Thanks, sweetie,” Rachel grinned at Ross, her voice sweet, as they each went their separate ways to call their friends.

“Oh and Ross! Could you call and make a reservation for seven? The number is in my purse on a green post-it. Thanks, honey,” she added as an afterthought.

xx

Lazily reaching out an arm from under the blankets where he was snuggled contentedly in bed with his wife, Chandler grabbed the receiver of the phone off the nightstand, hastily punching the ‘talk’ button.

“Ello?” he asked casually into the receiver, while trying to deduce who would be calling him or Monica now.

“Hey, Chandler,” Ross’s voice drifted down from the other end of the line.

“Oh hey, Ross,” Chandler returned, sounding less than enthusiastic at having his time with Monica interrupted. Though Monica was equally irritated by the inconvenience, she leant her head on Chandler’s chest, listening in on the conversation between her brother and husband.

“So, Rachel and I were going to have dinner at the new Spanish place down on Grove,” Ross informed them, “You know the one I’m talking about?”

“Um, yeah,” Chandler said, annoyed at the trivial subject matter. Why did Ross seem to think he would care about his dinner plans with Rachel?

“Rachel’s coworker was absolutely raving about the place,” Ross explained, “It’s supposed to have amazing, authentic Spanish cuisine.” Chandler scowled down the line, fighting the urge to simply hang up the phone, and be done with the pointless small talk Ross was inflicting on him.

“So you guys have fun, then,” Chandler replied, attempting not to sound as bored as he was and failing miserably, “Buh bye, then,” he added, moving to hang up the phone.

“Wait!” Ross exclaimed before Chandler could follow the action through, “There’s actually a reason why I called… Rach wants us all to meet down there. Pheebs and Joey are coming, too. Can you and Monica make it? We have something kind of important to tell you guys.”

Chandler sighed. So much for spending the rest of the night in bed with Monica. “I suppose we can,” he huffed, sarcastically, “It’s not like we would ever have anything better to do, right?” He closed his eyes, and wrapped the arm not holding on to the phone tighter around Monica.

Ross either didn’t pick up on the sarcasm or didn’t care. “Oh! By the way, the reservations are at seven, kay?” he confirmed.

“Yep,” Chandler groaned, “See you then.”

Ross’s grin could be heard down the line, “Thanks, man. Seeya at seven.”

Chandler hung up the phone and looked at Monica, “Well, we better get up and ready; we have plans for seven, now.”

“So I heard...” She replied, starting to get out of bed at the same time as Chandler. They both grinned and leaned over to peck one another on the lips one last time, before leaving their bed, but quickly melted deeper into the kiss, forgetting the impending need to get up. Their friends and their stupid reservations would have to wait.

xx

Thirty minutes later, both Monica and Chandler were dressed up and on their way out the door. Chandler couldn’t help but stare at Monica. She looked amazing in her form-fitting blue dress. She looked more than just beautiful, she was positively glowing she looked so happy, he decided. That old adage about pregnant women being aglow with happiness certainly seemed fitting in her case.

“Hey, Mon,” Chandler wondered, as he wrapped an arm around her, placing the other on her stomach, “do you think now would be a good time to tell everyone that you’re pregnant? I mean it’s a nice place, and everyone will be there together, so we’ll only have to do it once…” Chandler explained logically, trailing off as he briefly turned his attention to locking the door that he’d just closed behind them.

“That’s a great idea, honey,” Monica agreed, as she gripped his hand and allowed him to lead her down the stairwell, “I knew there was more than one reason I married you!” She smiled at him teasingly.

Chandler looked back at her mockingly hurt, in a bid for sympathy. “Well, I love you, too, baby!” he snipped a little harder than he could pass off as jokingly.

Monica picked up on the actual note of hurt in his voice and explained. “Honey, you know I was just kidding around. I love you for many, many, many reasons,” Monica clarified in her sweetest and best I’m-very-sorry voice.

“I know,” Chandler smirked, “Anything to get the Monica love,” he joked, his arm snaking around her. Taking slight offense to his faking, she hit him lightly as they exited their building, heading off at a brisk pace down the street. Even pregnant, Monica was efficient as ever.

xx

“Finally! You guys made it!” Rachel exclaimed slightly annoyed, as Monica and Chandler slid into their seats next to one another and in between Joey and Phoebe.

“Yes, we were umm… we lost track of time, after we got busy,” Monica covered, smiling in such a way that gave away the lie.

Ross looked at her with a slightly sour look. “We’re in a place where they serve food, Monica,” he groaned, not wanting to think about the implications of her comment. Monica glared at him in a way that clearly screamed ‘grow up.’ Under his sister’s wrath, Ross shrunk back into his chair, meekly.

“Okay, they’re here!” Joey bellowed, interrupting any possibility of an argument brewing. “Now the food! Gimmie a menu!” He snatched one of the booklets from the middle of the table and started scanning it searching for a suitable meal. A disgusted expression quickly inched onto his face, “Eww! What is this stuff? Pato asado? Zarzuela? Filet de buey? Where’s the real food? Like pizza and burgers!”

“Joe!” Ross snipped irritated, “We are in a Spanish restaurant, you know, the kind of place where they serve Spanish food? Those are Spanish delicacies for all you know!”

“Right… yeah, I totally knew that.” Joey agreed, although very unconvincingly, “But if they’re delicacies how come they sound so weird?”

Ross glared at him sardonically, “Because they’re written in Spanish?” Joey merely looked at him dumbly.

The table went quiet as all six friends scanned their menus trying to select an entree. The silence was only broken a few minutes later, after everyone (including an extremely reluctant Joey) had decided what they wanted, and placed their orders with the waiter. Both Ross and Chandler spoke up in unison, “So…”

They both stopped upon hearing the other speak and motioned that the other one should continue. They only ended up confusing themselves even more. Once again in unison, they said, “We have news!” and motioned respectively to Rachel and Monica.

“Cool!” Joey exclaimed, looking back and forth between his best friends, “Do it again!”

“Shh, Joey!” Phoebe scolded. “They are clearly in touch with their psychic powers, which, obviously, they learned from me! On second thought,” she reconsidered, “Joey’s right! Do it again!”

Silence, except for the occasional clinking of forks and knifes and the chatter of the other patrons of the restaurant enveloped the room, before it was broken by Monica a few seconds later.

“Maybe we should just go first!” she told the rest of the group, before Ross and Rachel could reply. “Our news in very important,” she added.

“Oh, I get it, so you think you and your news are better than us, huh?” Rachel asked, resorting to juvenile behaviour, “Well… that's just too bad ‘cause we,” she pointed between herself and Ross, “are going first. I’m sure our news is better, anyway! I bet it’s not even a contest.”

Monica and Rachel stared angrily at one another for a few seconds, before Rachel shouted out, “Ross and I are engaged!” at the exact same moment Monica yelled, “I’m pregnant!” They both gasped and stared wide-eyed at one another, hardly noticing that the attention of most of the patrons in the restaurant was now focused on them and their argument, thanks to their raised voices. Suddenly four voices burst into action all at once. Only Rachel and Monica remained silent, once again glaring at one another.

“Congrats Rach, Ross! But, oh my God, you guuys," Phoebe said, grinning at Chandler and Monica, "You’re having a baby! Oh! Monica, this is so awesome, I can teach you everything about being pregnant! Ooh, it’ll be so much fun!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands together excitedly.

“Oh my God! You guys have finally gotten your act together and are getting married? Who would have thought 18^th time’s the charm?” Chandler wondered. “Way to go Ross!” he exclaimed, slapping him on the back.

“Wow, that's awesome, Rachel. Congrats, Ross. But, wow, Chandler and Mon are having a baby! This is like, huge," Joey said, pausing to hug Chandler, "Dude! A baby? You're gonna be, like, a Dad! Yeah, baby!”

“A baby? You and Chandler are having a baby?” Ross directed the shocked rhetorical question towards his sister, “I’m going to be an uncle. Oh my God, I’m going to be an Uncle!” Ross smiled, "My first niece or nephew! Who would've thought, my best friend and my sister, having a baby?”

"I call Godfather," Joey called out, grinning madly at Ross as he pointed at him, “I beat ya, dude.”

“You can’t just call it, man,” Ross interjected, annoyed. “Besides, don’t you think Chandler’s best friend should be Godfather?” he suggested, reasonably.

“Yeah, I do! And that’s why it should be me! You already get to be the baby’s uncle, anyway!” Joey defended ‘calling it.’ Surprisingly, his logic actually seemed to make sense, but the others still got the feeling the argument was far from over and instead it was on the verge of escalating to deciding who was a better friend to Chandler.

Chandler jumped in before Ross could counter angrily. "Erm, guys, we really haven't thought about the Godparents, yet..." he explained nervously, looking back and forth between his friends, "We're just so excited about the baby, right now," he added smiling, wrapping an arm around Monica's shoulders, and placing a hand on her stomach, “Besides he-” Monica interrupted with a cough before he could continue, “or she,” Chandler corrected himself, “hasn’t even been in existence a full month yet! We’re not picking godparents.”

"Oh this is just so cool," Phoebe clapped her hands together, “Do you guys want a girl or a boy?”

“We aren’t really sure, yet, Pheebs,” Monica informed, beaming with happiness.

“Yeah, it’s great, Mon and Chandler are having a baby! You’ve wanted this forever, huh, Mon?” Rachel asked, trying to rejoin the conversation, and possibly steer it back towards her upcoming wedding, “So, I was looking at some wedding gowns earlier and they had the most beautiful Vera Wang one in cream lace. You guys have got to see it! It’s gorgeous!”

“Sounds great, Rach!” Phoebe nodded. “We can go dress shopping later. Ooh! Ooh! I know!” she exclaimed, “We have to go shopping for baby clothes! I saw the cutest little jumper at Macy’s the other day. Of course we’ll have to get things for both a girl and a boy since you don’t know what you’re having yet, but it’ll be so much fun shopping for baby clothes!” she said, successfully, though inadvertently, steering the conversation right back to Monica’s pregnancy. Rachel sighed, put out.

Monica smirked as the enthused discussion continued. She quietly bent forward and whispered in Rachel’s direction, ignoring her dejected stance, “I told you I would announce I was pregnant on your engagement night. And I told you I would steal the hell out of your thunder! Not so much fun is it?” She leaned back in her husband’s embrace smiling victoriously at Rachel.

The end